Winners of the 2025 competition are:

First prize: Mike Greenhough with Cheam
Second prize: Stafford Cross with Residential
Third Prizes: Anne Eyries with Alaska
Robin Gilbert with Frost
Simon Tindale with Conga

The poets commended for the Anthology are:

Anne Eyries, Angela Pickering, Anthony Watts, Christine Griffin, Geoff March, John Ling, Julie Shackman, Kate Copeland,  Mandy McDonald, Mark Totterdell, Mike Greenhough, Peter McDade, R Skog, Robin Gilbert, Ross MacKay, Simon Tindale, Stafford Cross, Val Fish

shows one audio limerick

Our third light-hearted competition for the most popular form of spoken poetry — LIMERICKS — ran from 1 May until 15 June.

Prizes: £50 for first, £25 for second, and 3 of £10 each for third.

Click here for the competition prompt & rules

Memorial Charity Competition

We held this third limerick competition in celebration of the life of a dear friend, Katrina Ellis, who never lost her sense of humour even during the last months of her short life. Katrina was particularly fond of limericks. Her mother, Annie Ellis, Lead Sponsor of Wildfire Words, is proud to donate the prizes in memory of Katrina. Annie will be judging the competition, supported in originality research and selection of prizewinning poems by Marilyn Timms.

All the entry fees for the competition, along with donations from prizewinners, raised for the Cotswold Riding for the Disabled Association:

Limerick Anthology 2025

R Skog

roaring

voiced by Howard Timms

I’d prefer a hippopotamus roaring
Than endure my wife’s snoring
Though can’t help but swoon
When we cuddle and spoon
In bed, wide awake: all exploring!

Mandy McDonald

Markies

voiced by Howard Timms

I buy all my knickers at Markies,
the black, white and pink, and some khakis;
I wear those on Monday,
singing ‘Never on Sunday’
(which isn’t by Theodorakis).

Park

voiced by Howard Timms

In the Wollumbin National Park
you probably won’t meet the Snark;
but be sure, if you do,
to give him some glue,
he’ll think it a marvellous lark.

feathers

voiced by Howard Timms

we now know the dinos wore feathers
and some fine furry stuff round their nethers.
It’s a shame, for those scales
from their beaks to their tails
looked more like a full suit of leathers.

echidna

voiced by Howard Timms

I wish that I had an echidna,
if I did, I would name her Dame Idna.
She could dance in the garden
and ask no-one’s pardon,
but she’d cry if she thought I was kiddna.

absurder

voiced by Howard Timms

There can’t be a list much absurder
than the rollcall of those I could murder.
I’d cut out their tongues
and I’d sauté their lungs
in strict alphabetical örder.

combover

voiced by Howard Timms

The POTUS’ improbable combover
is not something I’d write a pome over
if I’d not been invited –
as it is, I’m delighted!
It’s what underneath that I groan over.

Julie Shackman

Luca

voiced by Howard Timms

There once was a young man called Luca,
Who loved to play lots of great snooker,
He’d practice all day,
While the others would say,
It’s his balls that make him a looker!

Robin Gilbert

Devizes

A dopey old dog from Devizes
bought collars in all the wrong sizes.
       I very much doubt
       if he ever worked out
why at Crufts he never won prizes.

Hove

A balding old hedgehog from Hove
shed prickles, hard though he strove.
          He incurred many fines
          on account of his spines
and got punctures whenever he drove.

Arbroath

A typist, a sloth from Arbroath
-
that’s an unau or TWO-toed sloth -
       
      always typed with one toe,
       
      which was terribly slow,

but she couldn’t quite manage with both.

Olds

“Nothing’s private,” declared Sharon Olds.
“I’ll brief you as the story unfolds.
       To lure Stephen Spender,
       I’ve draped my pudenda
in Cape jasmine and marsh marigolds.”

Cranham

A crazy old camel from Cranham
said, “Doctors?  I don’t understan’ ’em.
        They looked at my humps
        and diagnosed mumps.
Give me the chance and I’d ban ‘em.”

Wrangle

A rhino named Rainer from Wrangle
put his best suit through a mangle.
        The legs came out torn
        and as for the horn –
an angular Wrangle fandangle.

Donne

At St Paul’s, on the hapless John Donne
the unanimous verdict was “Run!
        You’ld hardly know it,
       but he once was a poet.
His sermons are not nearly such fun.”

Odiham

A toad name of Jody from Odiham
lectured on chloride of sodiham.
      When a chemistry test
      led to student unrest,
she was peppered with salt on her podiham.

Marlowe

The ever ambiguous Marlowe
dreamt he was in bed with Jean Harlow.
      With a start, he awoke.
      No Jean, but a bloke
beside him, a Spaniard called Carlo.

Kipling

Rudyard “the Empire man” Kipling
took to the booze w hen a stripling.
        Then Yeats asked him If
        he’d fancy a spliff,
and he found he preferred it to tippling.

Frost

That irresolute poet R. Frost
was seen moping around as if lost.
        He felt he’d forsaken
        the road he’d not taken,
and he stood there just counting the cost.

John Ling

colonoscopy

While enduring a deep colonoscopy
up his arse slid a sinuous proboscopy.
They said “Raise your hand
If the pain you can’t stand,”
But he said “I could not give a tosscopy.”

lust

While often consumed with hot lust
poor George was allergic to dust.
Though he vacced and he swept
in the place where they slept
making love he would sneeze fit to bust.

impart

A lady was heard to impart
“When I shag I can’t help but to fart.
My massive orgasms
Send my arse into spasms.
When they start I must fart from the heart.”

Angela Pickering

Ely

There was a young lady of Ely,
whose gaze was decidedly steely.
She ignored all the boys
with their swagger and noise
and walked around Ely quite freely.

Anthony Watts

lineage

A young lad of dubious lineage
Was partial to portions of spinach.
Before very long
He grew so bloody strong
That his biceps burst out of his skinnage.

Mark Totterdell

charred

I served a meringue, deeply charred,
With a purée of lamb’s heart and lard,
A raspberry sherbet,
And strips of raw turbot,
And now I’m three-Michelin-starred.

conger

There’s a long kind of eel called a conger,
And it’s like a short eel only longer,
So if you always thought
That a conger was short,
Then quite frankly you couldn’t be wronger.

Arbroath

A pet-loving boy from Arbroath
Begged his parents to buy him a sloth.
When, firmly, both Three-Toed
And Two-Toed were vetoed,
He went out and bought himself both.

true

It’s a fact that is baffling but true,
That the wombat produces its poo
From intestinal tubes
In the form of pure cubes.
How I wish we could do that, don’t you?

Anne Eyries

pale

There was a young man who was pale,
Anaemic and terribly frail,
When offered some blood
He said, ‘If I could,
I would swallow the stuff by the pail.’

maid

There once was a pretty young maid
Who flirted and then misbehaved,
But when she grew fatter
And asked ‘What’s the matter?’
She found out how babies are made.

sail

There was a young man who set sail
But was tossed overboard in a gale,
Though he managed to float
And swim back to the boat,
He drowned when capsized by a whale.

Alaska

A seal hunter foiled in Alaska
Met a young polar bear so he asked her
‘Do you fear climate change?’
Which she thought rather strange
As his gun was a certain disaster.

Kate Copeland

here

Last Bookstore lives right downtown here
There’s tons of old titles still dear
I went in for a look
Not an hour it took
To haul pleasure piles to the cashier

Christine Griffin

Spain

A befuddled young cleric from Spain
prayed for ‘grain’ when he meant to say ‘rain’.
So God sent a flurry
of foul-smelling slurry
which smothered that dry Spanish plain

Beast

Macbeth said to Banquo, ‘You Beast.
There’s no way you’re here at my feast.
You’re supposed to be dead
stabbed to death in the head.
I’m King now and you – you’re deceased.’

ascending

From woods a bright lark was ascending
when he hit a low bough which was bending.
It made him all dizzy
he whirled in a tizzy
and now, upside down, he’s descending.

Holly

A robin flew into some holly
and winced ‘Oh good golly, Miss Mollie.’
I’m meant to bring cheer
at this time of year,
but I’ve prickled myself in my bolly.

Simon Tindale

Bamba

I’m not a big fan of ‘La Bamba’.
I watched it at Bradford’s Alhambra.
All fun and smiles
As they danced in the aisles
Until I released my pet mamba.

tango

I’m not a big fan of the tango.
I’m not a big fan of the dango.
I’d rather play dead
Or stick pins in my head
Or pogo my toes with a kango.

conga

I’m not a big fan of the conga.
The line just gets longa and longa.
Stumbling knock-kneed
Like a drunk millipede.
The conga is all kinda wronga.

Val Fish

sheep

I’m sick and tired of  counting sheep
Over fences they gaily leap
But it’s all in vain
Driving me insane
How I wish I could get some sleep!

true

Please doctor tell me it’s not true
And it’s the change I’m going through
‘There’s no doubt’ he replied
I just sat there and cried
I’m expecting at fifty-two!

Peter McDade

sigh

The perfume ingredients sigh
The smell of coal tar soap in my
Direction twice daily
But never more frequently.
I always wonder why.

dirt

There once was invisible dirt
That somehow got into my shirt.
Persistent malodour
Of Schrödinger’s cat fur
Has forced me to live in a yurt.

Stafford Cross

cartographer

There once was a nubile cartographer
Fell in love with a trainee philosopher
She drew up some charts
Which entwined both their hearts
And now he adores every part of her.

near

Oh no! The deadline is near.
Writer’s block is a pain in the rear.
The deadline’s so close
What I need is a dose
Of writer’s diarrhoea.

carcinoma

My ear had a small carcinoma
Basal cell, not the dread melanoma
My ear it got clipped
And surgically snipped
And I got a c-free diploma.

Who

I once knew an old Doctor Who
Caught a dose of time traveller’s flu
The years flew so fast
He thought each was his last
What’s next? I haven’t a clue.

residential

The White House is a space residential
And the goal in a race Presidential
I’d love to tell all
That goes on in that hall
But they tell me it’s Hall Confidential. 

Ross MacKay

Ecclefechan

There once was a man from Ecclefechan
Who had a boozy obsession.
Pouring drink down his thrapple
He fell asleep in a chapel
Now he’s hearing sinners’ confession.

Milngavie

There once was a man from Milngavie
Recruited as a top-secret spy.
He had a mission to kill
A man with a pill
Concealed in his gravy and pie.

write

A limerick is tricky to write,
It’s clever but never polite.
It all has to rhyme
With a funny last line.
But sometimes it ends up pure shite!

Geoff March

anecdotal

What with gin in her tea anecdotal
The Queen Mother rarely went vocal
Till a butler, unpaid,
LEFT THE GIN OUT, which made
The total tea totally… teatotal.

Mike Greenhough

glum

When that Chatterley lady felt glum,
Or by noblesse oblige overcome,
She’d abandon, pro temps,
Poncey crèmes de la crème,
And succumb to the scum de le scum.

Cromer

A lonely young lady from Cromer,
Seeking love, went to roam Oklahoma,
But her ardour was quashed,
For the hicks were unwashed,
And she balked at the yokel aroma.

Marge

A malingering young soldier named Marge
Swung the lead far too much for the Sarge.
When she fell down and bawled,
“My new pacemaker’s stalled!”
Barked the Sarge, “Put that Marge on a charge!”

Cheam

An illiterate upstart from Cheam,
Who aspired to be cream of the cream,
Smugly settled himself
On the sauna’s top shelf,
Thinking thus he’d acquire higher steam. 

Competition prompt and Rules

Will you be original?

As always, we’re looking for originality in limericks that are deft, daft, cheeky, powerful, and that make us laugh out loud, think, cry, or groan. Hilarious, pseudo-science, raunchy, or tongue-twisters. In short, five lines of fun that demand to be shared with wildfire words readers.

One safe way to be original is to choose a word to end the first line that you can’t find used in a limerick before, then create two rhymes for it. After that the writing is relatively easy.

The judge for the competition is Annie Ellis, who will have backup on research for originality from Marilyn Timms.

At Wildfire Words we love audio
Limericks, possibly more than any other type of poetry, are mainly shared by speaking them rather than reading text. You don’t have to submit your limericks with audio. But if your limericks are longlisted, we will publish audio with the text, whether it’s you reading them or us reading them for you. If you do choose to submit with audio, or submit only audio, judges will consider your entries like any others.

All entries presented to the judges are anonymous. Only the actual poems go to the judges. Details of author and payment details are stored separately. Only after judging is complete are winning poems matched to their author.

Rules for Limerick competition

Opening date: 1 May | Closing date: 15 June 2025

• The contest is open to all writers, except volunteers for Wildfire Words.
• All poems must be entirely the entrant’s own, unpublished work.
• International entrants are welcome, but entries must be in English. Translations are not allowed, unless the poet has translated their own writing into English.
• You may submit as many limericks as you like, in batches of up to 4 limericks. Each poem must have a title which is the last word of the limerick’s first line. An entry fee must be paid for each limerick..
• Each limerick can be uploaded into the ‘browse files’ on the entry form as a Word file which is named with the limerick’s title. If you do not have Word, you can copy and paste all of your limericks into the entry box at the bottom of the form.
• Do not put any identification on the work. We will match your limerick’s title to your email address after the anonymous judging is complete.
• Simultaneous submissions are accepted, but an entry must be withdrawn in the event of it winning a prize or publication elsewhere. Entry fees are not refundable once an entry has been received.
• Work will not be returned, so please keep a copy.
• We are unable to give feedback on individual entries or on the results of the competition — the judges’ decisions are final.
• Results will be emailed in July to all who entered, and published on this website and social media.
• The entry fee is £2 per limerick, or £6 for 4. Entry fees are not refundable once an entry has been received.
• Entries must be paid for on the entry form, and your entry file uploaded, by the closing time of 11.59 pm on 15 June 2025. Payment channels are credit and debit cards or your PayPal account. In case of difficulty, please email info@wildfire-words.com